What trips up most entrepreneurs & leaders? It begins with their ability to know their landscapes and leverage them to the best business advantage. Are you leveraging ALL of your landscapes?
On Monday, March 4th, Jessica Rivelli hosted the Working Women of Tampa Bay monthly Coaching Call focus on Emotional Intelligence: The Next Frontier in Business Edge. Noticing that there is SO much land to cover, I’ve typed up the meat & potatoes of the call for everyone to feast on. Enjoy!
Keep reading to learn more about Emotional Intelligence, get quick links to assessments, and techniques to increase your EQ!
From time to time, these were the words I would speak to my old boss at HSN, someone whom I had vested in and come to care very much about, dare I even say love?
In an effort to maintain the health of the relationship, we would look for ways to support one another. Support was the first focus. Facts mattered only to the degree that we could find solutions to our challenges. Feelings were discussed as a way to grow and understand one another. Listening was high…the need to be right, wrong, justified, validated…blamed or blameless, seemed to not exist.
If an Emotional Intelligence Expert were to take a peek at these moments, I’m pretty sure our Relationship Management score would be up near the 91.3% rank.
Time marched on and my boss was promoted, as was I. It was an intense time for me, as I had never been a leader before, much less a leader running the leadership development department!
Sure I’d read the textbooks, but I had never had this level of responsibility before. This was also the case for my boss – as he moved into a world that required 110% of his time to learn. His ability to pour into me decreased at a time I needed it most.
The time we spent together decreased, and a gap began to grow between us. With a lack of time together, a widening gap between discussions, a crunched calendar to take care of business, much less hold meaningful conversations …the room to have an emotionally healthy relationship was being squeezed out. Before long, the instances and circumstances became more important than the care of the relationship. And eventually, ‘it is what it is’ and ‘its business, not personal’ were clichés used to brush off the fact that the relationship had deteriorated.
Rather than providing a rope of help to one another while we were in ‘the holes’, we would point out the dirt and give advice on how to use the shovel we were holding, as we dug ourselves deeper and deeper into the trouble.
The ropes we once tossed into those holes had been carried away with the tidal wave that took the tree they were tied to. Our ropes were not tied to a foundation that would test the storms, sure to come as a part of work, and life.
Engineers and architects were born to build. For as long as history has watched them innovate their craft, they continue to push the envelope. Just today, I came across a Dutch company that has invented a machine that can lay 300 square yards of road in a day, combining gravity and an electric motor. The art of creating a pathway was…reinvented. Check our the story by clicking on the image – way cool.
The builders of our world, are the ones who look at their resources and say…”So now what do I do with this?” In a way, Dorothy, a young girl from Kansas, was an engineer of her future. In the wizard of oz, she could have very well gotten swept-up in the tornado, crash landed among the little people and set-up shop there on the side of the road…a victim to circumstance, a munchin hobo.
But she didn’t. She moved past the crash. She had a goal – to get home. And in her search for how to get there, a path was pointed out to her. Follow the yellow brick road. Trusting Dorothy decided to go ahead and follow this path, a path someone else had made, that would lead her to answers and a solution. In the end, the path led to her how two feet and a decision that there’s no place like home.
A good friend and advocate of entrepreneurs is Kim Kenney. Kim spends portions of her time, helping small business owners get out of their own way by helping them see different paths to take them to ‘Oz’. In addition to supporting small business in Tampa, FL she finds time to fulfill her passion for art. Thanks Kim for the picture of your Dorothy Wine Glass…the timing is perfect!
This week I had the great fortune of talking about walls and walkways with someone I’m coaching. Sitting in The Oxford Exchange in Tampa, Florida…we were surrounded by beautiful 1920’style architecture. White brick walls held up high arched ceilings. And outside, the old road was worn red brick.
The conversations with this student, center on helping her ‘find her way home’ in her career. During our conversation, the question arose, “How can I finally get over being ridden with guilt for the messes I’ve made?”
Do you obsess about your past at times? Want to get over it? Keep reading…and check out the ½ Day Emotional Intelligence at Work seminar I’m leading on March 7th in Tampa, FL http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/
This week launched a 5 week series at my church titled Rearview: Putting your Past In God’s Perspective (http://www.lifepoint.tv/rearview). The message centered around how much time people spend living their past over and over again in the present day.
Instead of dealing once and for all with the past as a bridge to move forward, people look backwards over and over and over again. They let feeling the emotions of the past dictate their future, making decisions about their lack of capabilities and values as statements of truth for now and ‘ever more’.
As I was taking notes about how there was a difference between glancing at the mirror to our past and seeing forgiveness, versus glaring at the mirror of our past and seeing a condemned life, something dawned on me. This isn’t just a spiritual experience. The rearview mirror is a MAJOR obstacle to achieving business success.
What drives us to glance & glare at our past?
(On March 7th, I will be hosting a 1/2 Day Emotional Intelligence Workshop in Tampa, FL. REGISTER NOW: http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/)
$29,000. This is how much those people with higher levels of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) are making compared to their counterparts.
58%. This is how much EQ is contributing to TODAY’s job performance ratings.
90% of high performers, have taken on the challenge of developing their EQ.
With data like this, its no wonder the Google Keyword tool has shown Emotional Intelligence getting 135,000 hits for the last 3 months.
It doesn’t take much to look around at work and home to see the effects of change and stress. The ability to handle these is…nothing short of grace under fire. It is refreshing when we see it, and people admire it when they get to be led by people that have it.
THIS….grace, under fire, is what ultimately contributes to the success of businesses, ventures, work relationships, social relationships…and quite frankly, life at home.
After 3 years of recording EVERY SINGLE coaching session I’ve had the privilege of facilitating, the reality is, EQ is the ice-berg to many people’s titanic.
In business, people spin their wheels messing around with marketing, pricing, sales, finances, production & delivery, and customer service. The degree to which growth takes place, is usually a DIRECT reflection of the leadership and an ability to act with grace under fire. Technical skills alone just doesn’t cut it, not anymore.
I work primarily with small business owners, who are entering their second year of business. These are people who have created just enough systems and habits to keep themselves afloat. The problem is, they are coping systems and these folks are dog tired. The complaint is “I don’t have enough time” coupled with “I don’t have enough energy”. Usually, these individuals continue tackling the to-do lists of their business, and they don’t take time to conduct critical thinking audits.
These are strategic thinking appointments with themselves and their partners, aimed at growing the company. With no time to get the day-to-day tasks done, it just doesn’t…feeeeel, quite right to use this time when they neeeeed to tackle fires. But its this VERY activity, that gives growing entrepreneurs and business owners a break to manage how they are BEING in their business, to realize that this is impacting what they are DOING to manage PRIORITY A tasks away from fires, and onto growth activities.
(Read more for a SIMPLE tip on improving your EQ…and, to register for a FREE 6-week EQ Series)
(Also…reserve your seat on February 28th for EQ at Work – Seating is limited to 20 for this 3-hour event! http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/)
“For whatever reason, the surgeon simply felt he was on the correct side of the patient.”
After an investigation, the bottom line given by the hospital’s chief of staff as to why a woman lost the wrong leg in a surgery.
Ok…how on EARTH, does a highly educated, practicing surgeon with a team of qualified staff, cut-off the wrong leg???
Certainty & Emotions.
Things like education, repeated experience, tenure on earth, and varying roles of social status help us create a story of being right, so we can avoid the experience of being wrong. In fact, we can create entire crusades and movements trying to prove just how right we are…even if we are wrong.
Science and industry are wonderful role models in our everyday life and have proven time and time again, believing something is right doesn’t mean we aren’t wrong.
From the world being flat and the universe revolving about the earth, to believing lead paint is the best option and prescribing cigarettes is a sound asthma medicine…science continuously proves we are right and wrong on just about, everything.
Seeing things as they truly are and learning how our emotions fool us, is the gift of hindsight.
And hindsight is…
“You don’t know how to breath, an until you do…you will NEVER be able to perform!”
I learned that we take an average of 20,000 breaths each day, unconsciously We simply breath but we don’t pay attention to how. My habits of unconscious shallow breathing had to be examined. I had to break the autopilot system and muscle memory that was directly competing with my ability to take deep breaths sustaining looooooong notes.
I worked out for 2 hours a day, 6 days a week simply to push my lungs to capacity of ‘having to get enough oxygen’ to sustain the energy. Running, swimming, and weight training all required different paces, depths, and capacities for taking-in and releasing air. This study of conscious breathing led to understanding my body and my ability to control the inhale and the exhale of air.
Over the course of time, I learned how to breath…to perform.
When it came to singing, the ability to take in deep breaths gave me the energy to put life into the exhale. Learning to sustain the ability to exhale with purpose and grace served as the passage into the hearts and minds of my audience.
Your dreams will require you to sustain your energy…and breath is the constant source you will need in order to exhale your visions into realities.
Start your dream differently throughout the day…and learn how to breath!
Keep reading to…
Take this Quiz: Are you A Shallow Breather?
Try this Exercise
Learn These Facts
Create high-performance habits for the success of a lifetime!
Registration Link: http://destinationbreakthru1dayintensive.eventbrite.com/
ONLY 3 Seats Left for Sept. 12th Event!
What do a multi-millionaire, young budding entreprenuer, established business owner, and seasoned professional all have in common?
They are ALWAYS on the quest to create high-performance habits for success and…they ALL seek out THE Kathy Potts for tools, insights, observations and hit-you-between-the eyes ah-ha’s to inspire them into action towards their next level BEST!
And…they will ALL be at Destination Breakthru™ 1-Day Intensive!!!
Reserve YOUR seat for this 1-Day barrier-breaking, obstacle-busting experience for professionals, leaders, entrepreneurs and business owners. This experience is UNLIKE anything you’ve ever attended!
“As a television personality, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many “life coaches” and motivational experts, but Kathy is the first to impact me on a deeper level. In a manner of minutes, she identified key issues in life that have been holding me back.”
~Mrs. Florida & TV Personality, Kellie Lightbourn
“After just 1 conversation with Kathy, I broke through my own barrier and went from $10K a month to $45K a month in my business within 4 weeks!”
~Serial Entrepreneur, Robyn Donaldson
The hands-on experiences, assessments, individual and group exercises will help you face the threshold of your success…and break through your barriers to the next BEST performance of your personal and professional life!
Why should you save a seat at the Center Club on September 12th, 2012?
Depends…what do YOU do when opportunity knocks? Look what happened
in just 90 minutes. What could happen with a full day?!?!
Experience the Intense Breakthru Technology™
*Be ready to absorb a personal MBA as you go on a cognitive mind
safari…in 7.5 hours!
* Experiences will include ALL 5 senses…intended to BREAK you THRU
your OBSTACLES! You will be taken on an adventure of taste, sound,
touch, emotion, and aroma all designed to pull you through the experience
of PERSONAL Breakthru!
* Be ready to transition through confusion, curiousity, mystery, epiphany and
application at an accelerated pace.
* Be ready to STOP being sick and tired…but being sick and tired of failing to
be ALL you are meant to be!
This is truly UNLIKE ANYTHING…you’ve experienced to help you move your mind and activate your feet. Get out your calendar…save the date…change your life!
“Kathy gave us the tools to not only get out of the caves in our lives, but the connections we would need to STAY out of those places we go when we are held back.”
~Founder of SASI & Author of Cloud Architecture Without the Hype , Bett Correa
Every week, I’m watching my clients transform their language from ‘I have-to’s’ and ‘I should’s’ over to ‘I get-to’s’ and ‘I will’s’. Just this morning as a matter of fact, I was sitting in a meeting with 3 other individuals and my clients says, ‘Well, according to my calendar I have to be in Lake Wales on…no, wait…I get to be in Lake Wales on Wednesday.”
Her entire body at the beginning of the sentence was hunched, her eyes rolled, and she was sighing into the sentence as she began. With the stop, reframe, and declaration…her eyes widened, her back straightened and a smile came across her face.
It was a moment of freedom for her. Freedom to be who she says she wants to be. It is a choice to not live on autopilot. It is her choice in the moment to consciously work on being her BEST!
While calendars and responsibilities may build and decrease, the secret to finding time, freedom and fulfillment lies within your declaration of independence.
Some helpful questions to ask yourself, if you too, seek freedom:
- What do I ‘have to’ do, or at least feel obligated to?
- On a scale of 1-10, what level of fulfillment do I receive from this mindset?
- If the circumstances aren’t going to change, what CAN change?
- What can I OWN in this moment, with this circumstance?
- What do I ‘get to’ do?
Freedom is ultimately a choice of how you decide to guide your mind, moment, to moment fully aware of the circumstances. Miraculous stories of people like Nelson Mandela, Holocaust Survivor Anne Frank, and the Olympic Quadriplegics all have amazing circumstances of challenge. Their triumph…the gap between their ears in the face of such circumstances.
There came a day…when despite all odds, time, responsibilities, and lack…that each person declared their independence and WHO they would be IN THESE MOMENTS.
Take a note from people who can offer hope, and try on a little freedom. It may not be easy, but you life will definitely be better! Now…get to work!
To be good…or free. Which is better? Let’s take a look at some perspective.
Take your trip to McDonald’s for instance. “I’m going to be good” and with that order the salad. While its a healthy choice, I’m certainly not excited or energized by it. Afterall, its what I NEED to do.
Now bring it to the office, “I’m going to do ‘the right thing’ and be good by reconciling my budget before noon”…or “I’m going to be good and make those calls I’ve been avoiding”. (followed by a sigh, eye roll…and feeling of stress).
All three examples are indeed examples of being ‘good’…but do they scream ‘FREEDOM!’…no. They are dutiful. Responsible. Correct. And…confining.
Freedom, is the ability to make a decision on your behalf…and give yourself permission to be HAPPY, ENTHUSED and GRATEFUL for the ability to choose.
When we are busy trying to be good…we are at the same time trying not to be bad. There is always the struggle here – as if you are bad for eating the double cheese burger, doing your budget at the end of the day on a Friday or leaving the calls until 3pm. The behaviors may be good or bad…but they don’t define YOU as a good or bad person.
Think about this…
1. Remember when you EARNED your driver’s license? Did you HAVE to drive across town in 5pm traffic? No! You GOT TO!!! You earned the right.
2. Remember when you got that new job? Did you HAVE to make the copies? No! You GOT TO!!! You earned the ability to do the work.
The truth is…you’ve earned A LOT of rights in you life. But the routine of ‘trying to be good’ may have just gotten in the way of your ability to be grateful for the rights you earned…your right to exercise freedom.
You GET TO create a budget in your business! You’ve grown to that stage of maturity! Congratulations!
You GET TO eat whatever you want, and that includes salads AND burgers. Congratulations!
You GET TO make calls to prospective clients! You’ve gotten yourself into a place in life where you can make a difference with your actions. Congratulations!
So the next time you think about being GOOD…try being GRATEFUL for the right you’ve earned…FREEDOM to choose!
Get yourself headed in the BEST direction for you.. and consider a BREAKTHRU day!